TTFA

Some people think it is morbid.  I think it essential. When I tell people about it, you can see the horror in their eyes. You may see a hint of curiosity and possibly a little bit of wonder, but not often.  Unless you have had the rug pulled out from underneath you and survived up to this point to talk about it, I’m not sure you would understand. You wouldn’t understand the pure and honest need to connect with other people whose lives have been shattered. You wouldn’t understand the ultimate desire to hear all of the ways possible that life fucking sucks. You just wouldn’t understand.

I listen to a podcast about death, life’s struggles and life after death. And I listen to it every day. Well, I did, up until I ran out of episodes to listen to. 

When the shit hits the fan and you feel as though your life is ending, that’s all you can think about. And at one point, I was on a desperate mission to find out if this shit storm has happened to anyone else. I wanted to know every single detail. And I needed to know how they survived, because I couldn’t imagine surviving one more minute yet one more year. More importantly I needed to know that they did indeed survive. I read every book, blog post, Instragram page I could get my hands on that was centered around the death of a child.

And now I find myself on a mission to hear about other people’s shitstorms.

It’s not quite equally parts sad and humorous, but there is some humor. And the fact that Nora can mix humor seamlessly into terrible situations makes it even easier to listen to. 

This podcast is how I have survived. It taught me that yes, my life is a shitstorm. Yes I need to do all that I can to survive. It taught me that there are other people out there that have dealt with the death of their child/ren, and they have survived long enough to talk about it. It has taught me that a shitstorm can look differently for different people. That there are a shit ton of different types of shitstorms.  It has taught me that life is not all rainbows, sunshine and “just think positive” memes. It has taught me that we are all facing a struggle, every single one of us. It has taught me that no matter how lonely I am, we are not alone.

Sadly, it has taught me that our society values life more than it values death, when death is in fact a huge part of life. 

(Get your podcasts running and have a listen to Terrible, Thanks for Asking!)

 

 

 

 


One thought on “TTFA

  1. Your shit-storm is one of the worst I have ever witnessed.  I don’t know how you are still sane.  But following you has made me more aware of infant mortality and how it can happen without warning.  I copied this because I thought of you:

    Sent from Yahoo Mail for iPad

    Liked by 1 person

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