Don’t wait.

I have been thinking a lot about permanence or really the lack of permanence. Impermanence. I guess it’s something I have never really thought about. Or never really had a reason to. But now it is so real.  Nothing we have is permanent. Nothing is here to stay, ever. Nothing. You lose your job. You lose your financial freedom. You lose your house. Friends abandon you. Grandparents live a long and full life and die. Family members decide you are too hard to love. Spouses leave you. People get run over by cars. People get in car accidents. People get washed away in a flood. Children get cancer. Babies die in the middle of the night. Babies die at full term before they have the chance to live.

It.  Is. Terrifying.

It’s so terrifying, it is tempting to lock yourself in the house and never leave again. But even people locked up get cancer. Even people locked up can have a heart attack.  Even people locked up can get robbed. So what do we do? How do we live a life knowing that nothing we have is here to stay? The author of the book I am reading says you “don’t wait.” You love. And you love knowing you may someday lose that person or they may lose you. You love them fiercely. You love them knowing today may be your last day. “Don’t wait.” You do that thing you have always wanted to do. You quit that job and find the one you have always dreamed of having. You start a non-profit because it is something you have always wanted to do. “Don’t wait.” You meet with your friend for a 6 a.m. walk when it’s freezing cold because you never know when it will be the last time.  You go on that trip you have always dreamed of going on. You binge watch Netflix until the late hours of the night because you can. You eat that brownie. You set boundaries. You do the one thing that scares the living shit out of you but you still want so badly. Because you never know. You never know when that one thing you thought to be permanent in your life is gone. I never knew that my world would crumble and come crashing down and sadly I don’t know when it will happen again. But I do know that it will happen again. Because it will. It will happen again. Nothing we have is here to stay. Nothing.

So what will you do? 

 


2 thoughts on “Don’t wait.

  1. Good morning, Tera. I have been thinking about you a lot in the last few months, because I have lost your email address. My husband and I did exactly what you’re describing. Both of our kids have settled beautifully and successfully in their homes – – 1200 miles apart. We realize that as we got older, commuting back-and-forth by airplane would be even more difficult. So we made a decision to move closer to the younger two grandkids.  We have been in New Jersey for a couple of months now, living with our son, and have just found a beautiful brand new apartment in a downtown area of Hackensack. We have essentially started over, except of course we’re actually saying fewer goodbyes to grandchildren. It’s exhilarating, frightening, and everything else. But several things lately have put you on my heart, and I’ve been wondering how you were doing. Walking this walk with you has taught me a lot, although most of it is stuff I didn’t really wish to know—just like I know you never, ever wanted to go through all of this. It has made me more sensitive to peoples’ trials, and more appreciative of each day that there aren’t any for me. Please please keep posting things about your family, because I care very deeply about 3 little boys that I have never met – – 2 of whom I never will.

    Sent from Yahoo Mail for iPhone

    Like

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