On April 7th, 2018, my husband Brett and I were expecting our second child through IVF. We were so anxious for the baby’s arrival. The nursery was ready, pictures were hanging on the wall, books were stacked on the bookshelf and the baby’s big brother Nolan, then two, was ready.
At my 38 week appointment (Friday, March 23rd) our doctor monitored the baby’s heartbeat and movements in an NST. When the monitoring was over, he stated “This is a happy baby!” The baby’s heartbeat was exactly what he was looking for. We asked for an ultrasound afterwards to check on my amniotic fluid as it was low with Nolan and he was induced at 39 weeks. The ultrasound was great, but the baby was breech. We spent the rest of our appointment talking about how we would most likely have a c-section on Thursday to protect the baby as we didn’t want anything to compromise it’s health.
That day and the rest of the weekend was BUSY! We were preparing for the baby’s arrival! I filled freezer bags with crockpot meals, cleaned, washed and folded the baby’s clothes, and packed our hospital bags. We welcomed family into town to host and attend several family member’s birthday parties.
On Sunday, March 25th, (just two days after that “happy baby” appointment) after our third birthday party of the weekend, I noticed that I hadn’t felt the baby move for awhile. We attributed it to the fact that I had been very busy, so I decided to take it easy while Nolan was napping. I was exhausted, and quickly fell asleep myself. I woke up not noting anything either way, so we went along with our day. After the next birthday party, I began to be very worried. I still wasn’t sure I had felt the baby move. This time we thought I could lay down and eat a couple of gummy bears and wake up the baby. Again, nothing. We raced to the hospital, each stating “stay positive, stay positive.”
When we arrived, it was then that we heard the worst news any parent could ever hear “Your baby’s heart has stopped.”
We still don’t feel like we have a clear explanation of what happened, we may never have one. It is being called a “cord accident.” Who knew a baby could “pinch” or “sit” on their cord? We sure didn’t.
We chose not to know the gender of our baby early. We believed it made the pregnancy exciting and would give me motivation to push when the time came. Our precious baby boy, Simon, was born still on Tuesday, March 27th after over 24 hours of labor.
This page will now be used to document our journey through grief, the ups, the downs, the in-betweens. I was told yesterday that I will never heal, which was devastating to hear, but I will one day learn to cope. I welcome you to come along this journey with us. If you choose not to, my feelings will not be hurt, believe me.