Sample Day

It didn’t hit me at first, we have been to Costco several times since Simon died. And who wouldn’t go often, samples are our favorite meal when cooking is out of the question. On other trips, waves of grief have hit. Seeing families with two boys walking around the store. Babies, there are always lots … More Sample Day

Almost

I was feeling like I had my shit together today. Despite a weekend full of “supposed to be’s.” Despite not sleeping much last night. Despite my child dying and people swearing something just had to be wrong with him. Despite people not realizing I gave birth to my child, the only difference being that he … More Almost

Decisions. Decisions.

When you are pregnant, you have all of these classes that you take and are offered to prepare yourself for your upcoming arrival. You take the birthing class, the CPR class, the breastfeeding class, the car seat installment class, parenting styles 101. Anything topic.  Everything. And you do anything and everything you can to learn … More Decisions. Decisions.

The package

When I saw the package in the mail today I got so excited wondering what I had ordered from Amazon during one of my sleepless nights. Then I saw the name on the envelope. The package wasn’t for me, it was for Nolan. I immediately got tears in my eyes and started crying. Something for … More The package

Address Book

One of the first things people told us was  “Be ready, your address book is about to change.”  I immediately thought “Shit! What are they talking about? Why would that be one of the first things you say to someone that has just lost their child? I don’t want to lose friends!  I can’t lose … More Address Book

The bubble burst

What is it about going back to work? How can it really be that hard? Why can’t it just be a “distraction” like so many people keep telling me.   Right before I lost Simon my job was cut at my school. I had been there for 5 years. I have some amazing friendships from … More The bubble burst

The Spiral

I can feel the spiral starting. My breath increasing. The tears are starting to pool in my eyes. What is it this time? This time it is the return to work. It is a longing for you. The longing to hold you.  To kiss you. To tell you just one more time how much I … More The Spiral

Options

The way I see it we have 5 options. Pay to continue storing our frozen embryos. Destroy the remaining embryos. Donate the embryos to science. Donate the embryos to family in need. Transfer the embryos. Last year, when I was newly pregnant with Simon, I received a letter in the mail.  The letter laid out … More Options

Marathon Training.

About 7 years ago I trained for and ran a marathon. Honestly, I can still hardly believe it myself. The training was brutal.  I would wake up super early most mornings and hit the pavement. Sometimes for only 6 miles, sometimes 10. Sometimes 16 and one time 20.  I battled sinus infection after sinus infection. … More Marathon Training.