I woke up this morning paralyzed. Paralyzed with fear. With anger. With every fucking emotion that actually exists, except for happiness and joy and all of that other bullshit. How is this possible? How is this our life? How did it come to this? How has it come to this… again? It is as if … More Again
The other day, I heard a fabulous description for grief. Grief, it’s like you are sitting in your house and your house is bombed. Everything crumbles around you and you are left laying on the floor in a fetal position surrounded by rubble. And you lay there. You lay there for as long as … More Rebuilding
What do you tell the person that asks “How are you?” you know, the chipper “How are you?” in a high pitched voice, not the “How are you?” in a empathetic or concerned voice. Do you tell them the truth? Do you tell them that you hardly got out of bed this morning. Do you … More How Are You?
We were sitting at the dinner table having a nice family dinner as we do each night. I decided it was okay to tell Brett about something that had been on my mind, something that had been nagging me… I told him all about how I was jealous of one of my friends. Jealous because … More The “Safe” Zone
My second pregnancy was so different than the first. They were so different I swore I was having a girl this time around. So did everyone else. When I was pregnant with Nolan my morning sickness, which should just be called “all day sickness,” lasted from 8 weeks until 28 weeks. 20 full weeks of … More Tale of Two Pregnancies
While I was pregnant with Nolan or after he arrived, I can’t remember, I was told by someone that didn’t know about my infertility journey that I had it easy. I kind of giggled. You know that super uncomfortable giggle when you totally don’t believe what was just said. I had it “easy.” I guess. … More Easy
Dear Nolan, I have written a letter to you a million times, over and over in my head, but I can never seem to figure out exactly what I want to say and get it on paper, or the computer, but you know what I’m saying. I apologize that so much of what I have … More Dear Nolan,