The grief is still here. The pain. The sadness. The anxiety. The depression. The only difference may be that it isn’t as strong. This time last year I wanted to end my life. The heaviness was so heavy I couldn’t think of any other way to lighten the load. Simon was gone, nothing would ever … More Grief. It’s work.
“Isn’t she excited? Isn’t there ANY excitement at all?” Let me say this. No. No, I am not excited. I am hopeful AND absolutely terrified. I am not excited because I am no longer blissful nor naive. I no longer have that pleasure. I would give anything to have that feeling back. I live in … More Isn’t she excited?
“I just can’t imagine. I didn’t know it was that bad.” Well, imagine this. Imagine peeing on pregnancy tests every month, just incase you are pregnant, only to see the negative test time after time again. Imagine being told that you will never become pregnant without medical interventions. Imagine spending thousands and thousands of dollars … More “I Just Can’t Imagine”
Just days after Simon died, it started. “You should go to the cabin.” “When will you go to the cabin?” “Why don’t you just go to the cabin.” “Have you gone to the cabin yet?” Like “the cabin” was some miracle healer after the death of a child. Here is what the cabin is for … More The Cabin
I didn’t post much around, on or around Simon’s first birthday. It is just too complex. Too difficult to comprehend. Still to this day the feeling are too raw. I did however do a lot of writing during that time to process as much as I could. And I submitted a piece of my writing … More You Get A Lifetime – And I Get A Sunset
What does support through grief look like to you? No one has really asked. But if they did, this is what I would say. Just. Show. Up. It’s that simple. Show. Up. BE THERE. Be there when the world crumbles. Be there when the clouds drift away for a bit. Be there for … More “Love Fiercely”
Some people think it is morbid. I think it essential. When I tell people about it, you can see the horror in their eyes. You may see a hint of curiosity and possibly a little bit of wonder, but not often. Unless you have had the rug pulled out from underneath you and survived up … More TTFA
We were sitting at the dinner table having a nice family dinner as we do each night. I decided it was okay to tell Brett about something that had been on my mind, something that had been nagging me… I told him all about how I was jealous of one of my friends. Jealous because … More The “Safe” Zone
My second pregnancy was so different than the first. They were so different I swore I was having a girl this time around. So did everyone else. When I was pregnant with Nolan my morning sickness, which should just be called “all day sickness,” lasted from 8 weeks until 28 weeks. 20 full weeks of … More Tale of Two Pregnancies
While I was pregnant with Nolan or after he arrived, I can’t remember, I was told by someone that didn’t know about my infertility journey that I had it easy. I kind of giggled. You know that super uncomfortable giggle when you totally don’t believe what was just said. I had it “easy.” I guess. … More Easy