Dear Nolan,

Dear Nolan, I have written a letter to you a million times, over and over in my head, but I can never seem to figure out exactly what I want to say and get it on paper, or the computer, but you know what I’m saying. I apologize that so much of what I have … More Dear Nolan,

The Plan…

When I read It’s Okay to Laugh (Crying is Cool Too) by Nora McInerny  I couldn’t help but laugh. Not only is she a fantastic writer, she’s hilarious.  If I understood her social references, she would be even funnier. But if you know me well, you know, I have no clue when it comes to … More The Plan…

Dear Simon,

Dear Simon, It has been six months. Six whole months. How can it be so? I expected to live my lifetime with you, I expected to be a witness of every minute of your life, instead I live every moment thinking about you. Thinking about who you would have been and what you would have … More Dear Simon,

Almost

I was feeling like I had my shit together today. Despite a weekend full of “supposed to be’s.” Despite not sleeping much last night. Despite my child dying and people swearing something just had to be wrong with him. Despite people not realizing I gave birth to my child, the only difference being that he … More Almost

Decisions. Decisions.

When you are pregnant, you have all of these classes that you take and are offered to prepare yourself for your upcoming arrival. You take the birthing class, the CPR class, the breastfeeding class, the car seat installment class, parenting styles 101. Anything topic.  Everything. And you do anything and everything you can to learn … More Decisions. Decisions.

The package

When I saw the package in the mail today I got so excited wondering what I had ordered from Amazon during one of my sleepless nights. Then I saw the name on the envelope. The package wasn’t for me, it was for Nolan. I immediately got tears in my eyes and started crying. Something for … More The package

The bubble burst

What is it about going back to work? How can it really be that hard? Why can’t it just be a “distraction” like so many people keep telling me.   Right before I lost Simon my job was cut at my school. I had been there for 5 years. I have some amazing friendships from … More The bubble burst

The Spiral

I can feel the spiral starting. My breath increasing. The tears are starting to pool in my eyes. What is it this time? This time it is the return to work. It is a longing for you. The longing to hold you.  To kiss you. To tell you just one more time how much I … More The Spiral

Options

The way I see it we have 5 options. Pay to continue storing our frozen embryos. Destroy the remaining embryos. Donate the embryos to science. Donate the embryos to family in need. Transfer the embryos. Last year, when I was newly pregnant with Simon, I received a letter in the mail.  The letter laid out … More Options