What is it like being pregnant after loss? Terrifying. What is it like being pregnant during a global pandemic? Terrifying. What is it like being pregnant after loss during a global pandemic? Fucking terrifying. For me, every day is scary. Every choice is difficult. Every decision feels like life or death. And now all of … More Some Thoughts for Today…
The grief is still here. The pain. The sadness. The anxiety. The depression. The only difference may be that it isn’t as strong. This time last year I wanted to end my life. The heaviness was so heavy I couldn’t think of any other way to lighten the load. Simon was gone, nothing would ever … More Grief. It’s work.
What do I do? Do I tell Brett? Do I tell him that I haven’t felt the baby move in awhile? They say to track their kicks. To track their patterns. And I’ve been doing just that. But I haven’t felt the kicks. I haven’t felt them and I can’t remember the last time I … More Same But Different
“Isn’t she excited? Isn’t there ANY excitement at all?” Let me say this. No. No, I am not excited. I am hopeful AND absolutely terrified. I am not excited because I am no longer blissful nor naive. I no longer have that pleasure. I would give anything to have that feeling back. I live in … More Isn’t she excited?