What do I do? Do I tell Brett? Do I tell him that I haven’t felt the baby move in awhile? They say to track their kicks. To track their patterns. And I’ve been doing just that. But I haven’t felt the kicks. I haven’t felt them and I can’t remember the last time I … More Same But Different
“Isn’t she excited? Isn’t there ANY excitement at all?” Let me say this. No. No, I am not excited. I am hopeful AND absolutely terrified. I am not excited because I am no longer blissful nor naive. I no longer have that pleasure. I would give anything to have that feeling back. I live in … More Isn’t she excited?
I have been thinking a lot about permanence or really the lack of permanence. Impermanence. I guess it’s something I have never really thought about. Or never really had a reason to. But now it is so real. Nothing we have is permanent. Nothing is here to stay, ever. Nothing. You lose your job. You … More Don’t wait.
“I just can’t imagine. I didn’t know it was that bad.” Well, imagine this. Imagine peeing on pregnancy tests every month, just incase you are pregnant, only to see the negative test time after time again. Imagine being told that you will never become pregnant without medical interventions. Imagine spending thousands and thousands of dollars … More “I Just Can’t Imagine”
Just days after Simon died, it started. “You should go to the cabin.” “When will you go to the cabin?” “Why don’t you just go to the cabin.” “Have you gone to the cabin yet?” Like “the cabin” was some miracle healer after the death of a child. Here is what the cabin is for … More The Cabin
How will I ever love another child as much as I love Nolan? Will Nolan and the baby get along? Will it be a boy or a girl? What if we don’t pick the right name?What if they don’t like their name? Do we have everything that we need? Will the baby be a terrible … More worry
I didn’t post much around, on or around Simon’s first birthday. It is just too complex. Too difficult to comprehend. Still to this day the feeling are too raw. I did however do a lot of writing during that time to process as much as I could. And I submitted a piece of my writing … More You Get A Lifetime – And I Get A Sunset