Some people think it is morbid. I think it essential. When I tell people about it, you can see the horror in their eyes. You may see a hint of curiosity and possibly a little bit of wonder, but not often. Unless you have had the rug pulled out from underneath you and survived up … More TTFA
I woke up this morning paralyzed. Paralyzed with fear. With anger. With every fucking emotion that actually exists, except for happiness and joy and all of that other bullshit. How is this possible? How is this our life? How did it come to this? How has it come to this… again? It is as if … More Again
We were sitting at the dinner table having a nice family dinner as we do each night. I decided it was okay to tell Brett about something that had been on my mind, something that had been nagging me… I told him all about how I was jealous of one of my friends. Jealous because … More The “Safe” Zone
My second pregnancy was so different than the first. They were so different I swore I was having a girl this time around. So did everyone else. When I was pregnant with Nolan my morning sickness, which should just be called “all day sickness,” lasted from 8 weeks until 28 weeks. 20 full weeks of … More Tale of Two Pregnancies
While I was pregnant with Nolan or after he arrived, I can’t remember, I was told by someone that didn’t know about my infertility journey that I had it easy. I kind of giggled. You know that super uncomfortable giggle when you totally don’t believe what was just said. I had it “easy.” I guess. … More Easy
Dear Nolan, I have written a letter to you a million times, over and over in my head, but I can never seem to figure out exactly what I want to say and get it on paper, or the computer, but you know what I’m saying. I apologize that so much of what I have … More Dear Nolan,
When I read It’s Okay to Laugh (Crying is Cool Too) by Nora McInerny I couldn’t help but laugh. Not only is she a fantastic writer, she’s hilarious. If I understood her social references, she would be even funnier. But if you know me well, you know, I have no clue when it comes to … More The Plan…
Dear Simon, It has been six months. Six whole months. How can it be so? I expected to live my lifetime with you, I expected to be a witness of every minute of your life, instead I live every moment thinking about you. Thinking about who you would have been and what you would have … More Dear Simon,
I wish people knew that just because I don’t have a little one that I am carrying, I gave birth to a baby only 6 months ago. It may not look like this to the outside world as we walk around participating in our daily lives as much as we can. I’m heavier than I was … More I wish people knew…
I was feeling like I had my shit together today. Despite a weekend full of “supposed to be’s.” Despite not sleeping much last night. Despite my child dying and people swearing something just had to be wrong with him. Despite people not realizing I gave birth to my child, the only difference being that he … More Almost
